I once believed that those good at something, such as a particular sport, school subject, or public speaking, were born that way. It took years to realize I was completely wrong. That assumption was incredibly naive from the start.
Certainly, people have different aptitudes for things. However, I’m not convinced whether this presumption has more to do with various school abilities tests or reality. Had I believed in my test indicators, I would have never graduated from college, especially with honors. And I would have never excelled in the corporate world, let alone got in.
Learning about the mistakes, blunders, and failures of some well-known people who had achieved extraordinary things was very liberating and motivating. I learned that the difference between those who accomplish great things is their willingness and determination to take action despite their fears and failures.
One of my most profound first-hand experiences in discovering how people learn to get good at something was when I started learning the art of public speaking. I had severe anxiety about public speaking. I thought I had it worse than anyone else. I could not avoid public speaking because my corporate job required it more and more as I rose up the ranks.
So, I took every class and course I could find, including the brilliant Dale Carnegie public speaking and human relations course. I also read many of Carnegie’s books (see here). In addition, I joined a Toastmasters group, which made a huge difference.
Billionaire Warren Buffett was terrified of public speaking, so he took the same Dale Carnegie course I did. He considers completing that course one of his greatest accomplishments.
Here’s the lesson. As I watched certain people deliver mesmerizing speeches, I thought, “There is no way this person has ever felt fear. They had to have been born with public speaking skills.” When I later spoke with some of them, I was shocked when they told me about the extent of their fear and awkwardness during early speeches. I was also blown away when people would tell me after a speech I’d given that I looked confident and relaxed. “Not so!” I’d tell them. I eventually got close to that, but as Dale Carnegie teaches, “Our goal is not to eliminate the butterflies but to get them to fly in formation.” The point is that the butterflies give us valuable energy, and we put it to the best use by getting them to fly in formation.
I still vividly remember the first time I had to attend a large meet-and-greet activity before an important business meeting. I was anxious and awkward, as can be. After a few dozen of them, I became a relaxed and confident pro.
How about big goals? I was overwhelmed learning about website design, HTML, cascading style sheets (CSS), e-commerce, search engine optimization (SEO), and later WordPress and blogging. But I was determined because I found the lifestyle it allowed so appealing. Even so, looking back, my early websites were horrible. I made countless mistakes because I lacked knowledge in generating traffic (visitors) and many other things.
From the beginning of my website and blogging career, I made another seemingly impossible goal: learn how to do everything myself so that I did not have to rely on anyone or any company to design, change, or operate my websites. I eventually got there after years of 10-12 hour days, lots of stumbling, and sometimes intense, intricate work like coding.
I believe anything can be accomplished if a person has these mindsets.
- Strong, passionate desire.
- Clear vision of what they want.
- Unrelenting determination fueled by their desire and vision.
- Willingness to do whatever it takes.
- Willingness to do it for as long as it takes.
- Willingness to go toward despite fears.
- Willingness to accept, learn from, and quickly move past mistakes.
- Determination to never quit.
- Unbreakable self-love.
The method is simple, and the pathway is clear. The only challenge is breaking through fears and false assumptions.