Date duds are dates that are a failure for various reasons. If you have dated several people, you have certainly had a few date duds.
There are many causes for date duds. Understanding these can increase your rate of success and fun on your dates. Here are some of the most common.
You do not know what you want.
If you do not have a precise image of the characteristics, attributes, and qualities you want in a romantic partner, then the chances of making a meaningful connection are almost nil. You must list this information to establish a definitive image of your ideal partner in your conscious and subconscious mind.
If you don’t do this, you’ll probably find yourself on many dates you quickly discover are a bad match.
You rely on others to pick dates for you.
No one, including your mother, sister, brother, or best friend, has the ability to pick a good match for you. These well-meaning people do not have your internal life experience and genetic makeup to draw from. They only have their own, and that’s usually what you end up with — a person who more closely satisfies their needs than yours.
I’ve never had a successful date that someone “set up” for me. I knew we were a bad match within the first few minutes of the date. Interestingly, the most dominant issue was usually not finding them attractive.
Learn to trust your own instincts in finding a suitable match.
You have low standards.
Instead of being selective, you go out with anyone who comes along.
Regardless of your situation, going out with someone who doesn’t align with your standards wastes time. Having a somewhat enjoyable date with someone who doesn’t align with your values is impossible.
Go for the gold! Bronze isn’t very exciting.
You are not ready for dating.
If you start dating before you’re prepared, you will probably screw it up. This would be particularly disappointing if you met someone you are really into.
There are two circumstances where this usually happens. (1) You start dating too soon after a breakup. (2) You start dating when your life is out of control.
If you start dating right after a painful breakup, your unstable emotions and unreliable judgment will contaminate the relationship. Wait until you are completely stabilized before you begin dating.
If you’re emotionally frail, physically out of shape, socially inept, or financially in debt, you need to get these areas in order before you start dating. Not only would it be unfair to the person you’re dating, but to you as well. It would be unfair to you because you will likely attract someone who enables you to continue “down” the same unsuccessful path or one whose situation is like yours. 🙁
You have not planned the date well.
If you want an enjoyable experience that impresses your date, don’t try to wing it. Instead, work out every detail.
The need for good planning applies to both parties – the inviter and the invitee. I’ve arrived to pick up a date a few times when she wasn’t nearly ready to go, or she was but made no serious effort to look nice. This would have been especially disappointing if I had planned a special evening, as you can imagine.
For a good time, plan your dates like a trip to an island paradise. 🙂
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Don’t be a date dud collector. Fine-tune your dating skills by applying these suggestions. Then watch your date dud rate go down to nearly zero!