Have you ever considered the tradition of gift-giving? Have you ever questioned its legitimacy? This tradition places extreme pressure on us to buy gifts yearly for many so-called celebrations, whether it is truly in our hearts to do so or not.
Don’t get me wrong. I love giving a gift to someone I care about when I know that it’s something they genuinely want, and I am not doing it in response to some pressure. For me, a true gift is one given without social or recipient pressures connected to it.
Let’s consider our list of gift-giving obligations each year. I will limit the list to annual events and omit those that only occur occasionally, like graduations, weddings, and baby showers.
- Birthdays
- Anniversaries (all, particularly couples)
- Valentine’s Day
- Mother’s Day
- Father’s Day
- Administrative Professionals’ Day (formerly Secretary’s Day)
- Christmas and similar religious holidays (which I know exist, but I am not familiar enough with them to list them by name)
How did we become such slaves to gift-giving?
Product developers and merchants have commercialized the elaborate nature of many gift-giving celebrations. Sometimes, they have created the gift-giving aspect of the celebration and/or the gift itself.
Manufacturers and retailers spend billions promoting the need to give, receive, or exchange gifts through various marketing activities. Their emotional advertising messages brainwash us into thinking we deserve to receive or need to provide gifts for particular events throughout the year.
Think about the images of Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and other celebrations in your head. If you think hard enough, you’ll probably find that many of them are derived from commercials you’ve seen.
You might say, “Commercials are not brainwashing me. I don’t pay much attention to them.” You don’t have to pay close attention to a commercial for it to impact you. Advertising’s effect is cumulative. It is created over many years of passive exposure.
For many years, manufacturers and retailers have been marketing celebrations involving gift-giving and special meals, considerably influencing how these events are celebrated. Their advertising messages have done such a good job that they have become commonly held beliefs about what we should do during these celebrations. When this happens, they become traditions.
I propose that we refuse to be manipulated by product manufacturers and retailers and make our own decisions about gift-giving. We should do this regardless of the social pressures we will almost certainly feel from family and friends.
Can you imagine the weight that would be lifted and the wasted money saved if you established new gift-giving traditions?
What are the actual benefits of gift-giving?
What benefits do we gain from giving or receiving a gift? Unfortunately, I would say that the relief of meeting the social obligation to provide a gift is often greater than the satisfaction of giving it. And receivers frequently gain more gratification from the gift than the act of giving by the giver. This happens because advertising has taught us to measure how much we are appreciated based on the perceived value of the gift rather than the act of giving.
Of course, children respond differently due to their innocence, immaturity, and lack of experience. Children learn a lot about gift “receiving” through advertising, but they are taught about gift “giving” through their parents.
Children don’t need a room full of gifts to be happy and succeed in life. They need their parents’ time, attention, guidance, praise, and love. Gifts do little or nothing to satisfy these essential needs.
Adults, who have had more time to be brainwashed by advertising, need to break free of their conditioned ways of thinking and reacquaint themselves with what is truly important.
What are the alternatives?
Below are some alternatives for each celebration I listed earlier.
You may already be doing some of them. If so, you’re on the path to gift-giving enlightenment!
Some people may find it difficult to understand these radically different gift-giving rules. I encourage them to examine where they got their beliefs and then decide whether those beliefs are truly relevant and useful today.
Here they are.
Christmas & Similar Religious Holidays
- Stop all adult gift exchanges.
- Christmas has become so incredibly commercialized that I propose giving gifts only to children between the ages of 5 and 12. Gift exchange between adults is absurd.
- Limit adult gift exchanges to couples only.
- Draw names so that each adult gets only one gift from one person.
- Set a gift cost limit of $1-$20.
- Agree that all gifts are to be handmade or are commitments of service.
- End gift giving for children at age 12-18.
- Limit gift giving for children to one item from their parents only.
- Set a gift spending limit of $5-$100 per child.
- Forgo a gift exchange and put gift money into a pool to help a less fortunate person, family, or group.
Birthdays
- Stop gift giving after birth and make ceremonial contributions to a college fund, an online business, or another endeavour instead.
- End gift giving after age 5-18.
- Set a gift cost limit of $1-$20.
- Limit gifts to one item from parents only.
- Limit gift giving after age 21 to years ending in zero, e.g., 30, 40, 50, and so on.
Anniversaries (couples) & Valentine’s Day
- Stop gift exchanges and make ceremonial contributions to a vacation, education, new business, or retirement fund instead.
- Agree to exchange gifts only on significant anniversaries, e.g., 5, 10, 25, & 50.
- Set a gift cost limit of $1-$20.
- Stop gift exchanges and start an enriching activity together instead.
- Get health club memberships.
- Build a home gym.
- Sign up for tennis lessons.
- Start an online business together.
- Join a Toastmasters group.
- Register for a college course or self-improvement program.
- Complete “The Couple’s Review” partner-relationship appraisal to refine your relationship.
- Plant a symbolic tree. (To be representative of the growth of your love and/or relationship.)
Mother’s, Father’s, & Administrative Professionals’ Day
- Stop gift giving and restaurant outings in favor of a simple gesture instead. I propose this because retailers and restaurants have commercialized these events to the point of absurdity. Why try forcing yourselves to enjoy a high-priced “special” meal at a ridiculously overcrowded restaurant on these dates? If you’re inclined, take them out for a meal on your chosen day and under your terms, not the restaurant’s.
- Send a card or a personal note, and follow up with a phone call. The nice things you do between these annual so-called celebrations matter most.
- Give a handmade gift or a written commitment of service.
- Trade jobs on Administrative Professionals’ Day for 1-8 hours.
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Can you imagine your life if you were free of the contrived gift-giving obligations created by advertisers and the media? Imagine how much stress would be removed from your life. Imagine how much more energy you’d have for more meaningful activities, like giving the gifts of your time and help to those you love.