Almost everyone loves the holidays. It’s a time that we usually spend with family, friends, and our significant other. But if you’re an unattached single, the holidays can be an unpleasant time that you just want to get through as soon as possible. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Allow yourself to think beyond traditions and obligations. You can create circumstances that make the holidays a joyous and fulfilling experience, whether you have a romantic partner or not. Let’s first examine the current state of things, and then we’ll consider how things could be.
The holidays I am referring to are Halloween, Thanksgiving (in the U.S. or other national holiday), Christmas, and other religious celebrations, as well as Valentine’s Day. All of these events are geared toward couples, as is most of society.
Even if you get invitations from family or friends to attend holiday celebrations, it’s not too uplifting when you consider that it will be mostly couples and children who will be there. When you attend these functions, there is often a subtle awkwardness to being the only adult single.
When it comes time to sit down to a meal, you’re the hard one to seat since most tables are designed to accommodate an even number of chairs. Yes, even table settings were designed for couples.
If you don’t have kids and each holiday event is centered around children, this can be tiring as well. If the children are spoiled and loud, it can be downright maddening. You don’t want to spend your holidays watching children play; you want to have stimulating conversations with adults who share your interests.
No one in attendance truly understands how you feel. Even if some of them were single for a period, it’s easy to forget what it’s like once you have a solid relationship.
Here’s an alternative. If you want to truly enjoy the holidays and be around people who share your lifestyle, consider organizing your own holiday events with your single friends. I bet you’ll have a lot more fun. I know that I have.
The holiday parties you organize with your single friends may replace certain events or be an addition to others. For example, you might have Thanksgiving dinner with only your singles friends and split the time around Christmas between gatherings with your family on Christmas Eve and a brunch or dinner party with your singles friends on Christmas Day.
Keep in mind that there will likely be singles in your group who don’t have any family functions to go to on holidays for a variety of reasons. Or they may choose to attend the singles events over family activities because they enjoy them more.
You will not have to do all the work for these holiday parties after you start the tradition. Here’s how. Put together one or two events that you particularly enjoy with a couple of your single friends. Invite your favorite single friends and encourage them to invite a certain number of their single friends, depending on the event you’re putting together. For example, the number of guests for a dinner party would be much smaller than the number for a Halloween party.
Create a signup form with these fields.
- List of all the possible holiday events for the next 6-12 months.
- Space next to each event so that people can select which one they will host by entering their name.
- Space at the bottom so that everyone can enter their contact information — name, email, and phone.
Tip: Attach your signup form to a clipboard and connect a pen to it using a string. Or create an online signup method.
At the appropriate time, perhaps just before the food is served, ask the group if they want to make this an ongoing tradition for holidays throughout the year. If they are in favor of it, tell them about your signup form. Then ask them to enter their name next to the holiday event they will host and their contact information at the bottom. Additionally, ask a volunteer to create and maintain a website for the group, so that everyone can stay up-to-date on event hosts, dates, times, and locations. Post event host names as soon as possible to solidify their commitment — singles tend to be flaky.
Send out a short email to all participants after your event to establish contact, review the plan, and provide the new website address.
If you have enough members (25+), you can consider adding more activities, such as brunches and mixers. If the group shows potential for significant growth, consider starting your own singles club. Then you can add dances, trips, and more to your schedule. This can help you: How to Start a Successful Singles Club.
Here are some holiday party ideas for singles.
Halloween
The best parties for singles that I’ve ever attended are Halloween parties where costumes are required. This particular party allows everyone to be and be with their fantasy. The costumes also enable people to “mask” their shyness and be bold behind the character that their costume represents. Attending or hosting an annual Halloween party is a must for singles.
I always went to these parties as a combination of a rocker, biker, pirate, and hippie. It was great fun. I once attended one hosted by a group of relationship retreat alumni, of which I was a member. It was electrifying!
If you expect a large crowd to attend, consider renting a public or private facility, hiring a DJ for dancing, setting up a no-host bar, and charging a fee to cover the costs. The possibility of damage to your home and the work required to clean up the mess is just not worth it.
Another possibility is to arrange for the party to be held at a local restaurant or bar. Many restaurant and bar owners will be happy to accommodate you for free or at a nominal charge to get your business.
Thanksgiving (US) or Other National Holiday
Having a Thanksgiving dinner party with your singles friends can really be a pleasant affair. Since the cost can be quite significant, I recommend doing it potluck style, where everyone brings a dish. The host typically cooks the turkey.
Single friends who don’t know how to cook can buy their food or beverage contribution. Encourage them to make food purchases at restaurants or grocery stores that specialize in Thanksgiving dinners.
If you and the majority of your single friends are vegan or vegetarian, you could do a vegan Thanksgiving dinner and save a turkey from execution! If your group consists of a mixture of carnivores and vegans, you could either have two separate buffet tables or host a vegan dinner with an open invitation to all. As a vegan, I’d opt for the latter.
A great alternative to preparing the meal yourself is to go to a restaurant that offers a special Thanksgiving dinner. This option eliminates all the work of preparation and cleaning up.
An uplifting activity for this event is to have everyone share what they are grateful for. Rather than putting people on the spot by going around the table, let each person speak when they are ready or inspired to do so.
Christmas or Other Religious Celebration
Having a party with your single friends on Christmas can be a refreshing change from family events. This can be particularly true if your family gatherings on Christmas tend to be unpleasant experiences.
Having a dinner party at someone’s home or at a restaurant is a good choice for this holiday. If you have a group of 20 or more, consider finding a restaurant that offers a complimentary private room. This will make it much nicer. You can also negotiate with the restaurant owner or manager to give you a fixed-price menu with several main courses and dessert options. This makes it much easier and more equitable when it comes time to pay.
A fun activity for Christmas parties is to have each person bring an inexpensive, humorous, provocative, or clever gift. Set a maximum dollar amount for gifts and exchange them by drawing numbers. Or you could follow the white elephant gift exchange style, or come up with your own rules. As a singles party, you might consider making it a requirement that the gifts be related to the singles’ lifestyle in some way.
Valentine’s Day
This article will give you plenty of ideas: 14 Ways to Have a Great Valentine’s Day With or Without a Partner.
***
Why go to the same old boring holiday functions when you can create your own holiday parties with your single friends and have a great time? Don’t think about whether traditions or obligations allow it. Just do it!