Being a great conversationalist is a crucial social skill, particularly when it comes to dating and forming friendships. Most people, including me at one time, believe that being a great conversationalist requires being an articulate, prolific, and humorous communicator. This is not true.
The most important skill in being a great conversationalist is being a good listener! To be a good listener, you must take an active and genuine interest in the person and the things they are saying. You can enhance the conversation by asking tactful questions. If you get skilled at doing these things, don’t be surprised if you gain the reputation of being a great conversationalist.
There is an appropriate time and place to share your experiences, but do so sparingly. A person who dominates a conversation by talking about themselves is boring!
Dale Carnegie brought the importance of being a good listener to my attention when I read his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Although it was first published long ago, the wisdom found inside still stands up today. It is also continually being updated. I highly recommend it.
Here is a review and further details on how to be a great conversationalist. Some of it comes from Carnegie’s book, which I read years ago, and some of it is based on my own experience.
- Learn to be a good listener by looking for things to be interested in about the person and the things they are saying.
- Give the person your full attention. Do not allow your focus to wander. This is a crucial part of being a good listener.
- Ask tactful questions that encourage them to talk.
- Ask tactful questions that guide them in a positive direction.
- Share your exciting experiences when encouraged or a clear opportunity arises.
- Show your enthusiasm when discussing a subject you love. It’s contagious.
- Be yourself. Don’t try to be their counselor, teacher, or coach. Just be friendly.
- Focus on positive and uplifting subjects.
- Avoid discussions about politics and religion.
- Avoid depressing topics, especially those related to an ex.
- Do not criticize, condemn, or complain about any person, place, or thing.
- Save details about your personal story for later. Give them only bits and pieces at first. This adds mystery in a dating situation, which acts as an aphrodisiac. 😛
As you can see, the skills required to be a great conversationalist center on being a good listener, showing genuine interest in the other person, and maintaining a positive tone in the conversation. You’ll probably be clumsy and awkward in the beginning. I certainly was. But in time, you’ll become a smooth, skilled, and confident conversationalist.