There are many possible reasons why a person is not getting dates, but these are some of the most frequent causes.
1. You’re Too Eager
Acting too eager is a turn-off, especially for women. Women are attracted to confidence, not eagerness.
Men may go for an overly eager woman, but they will rarely want her for a long-term or permanent relationship. Some men will interpret her eagerness as a sign that she may be loose.
Having an attitude of indifference as to the outcome of your request for a date works best.
2. You’re Too Anxious
Shyness is okay. Many people think it’s charming. But acting overly nervous makes the other person uncomfortable.
The solution is developing courage. There is only one way to get it in each particular area. You get by doing what you’re afraid to do, even if you’re scared to death. Then you get the courage.
Deeply seeded fears may require that you face them repeatedly. Each time you do, you’ll get a little more courage. Then, one day, you’ll notice that confidence has replaced your fear.
3. Your Approach is Fake
Putting on an act is a huge turn-off. Trying to impress someone by pretending to be someone you’re not is unattractive.
Men seem to be more prone to this behavior than women. Immaturity and/or low self-esteem are usually the cause.
Alcohol plays a leading role in creating this behavior in both men and women. Along with false courage, alcohol tricks a person into believing they are more than they truly are. Try going to a nightclub or on a date without drinking alcohol. I dare you. You’ll find that you have a “clear” advantage.
Your best strategy is to be yourself, which offers countless benefits.
4. Your Attitude is Negative
If you have a sour attitude, how can you possibly expect to attract a partner? Your outward expression is unappealing, and your negative internal expectations will lead you to the outcome you’re imagining. This is known as the Law of Attraction. For more information, see the list of recommended books under “Law of Attraction.”
To get dates, you must have a mindset that a new dating partner is just around the corner. Your attitude should be one of positive expectation that you’ll attract a new relationship soon.
5. You Don’t Know What You Want
You’ll approach your mission aimlessly by not having a clear idea of what you want in a partner. Because of this, you’ll likely find yourself in unsatisfying relationships full of conflict.
Devote some time to precisely defining the type of woman or man you want to date. Describe their personality, values, and physical attributes. Review this information often to establish a detailed image of your ideal partner in your subconscious mind. Then, your subconscious mind will constantly be working behind the scenes to guide you to the right person and away from those who don’t match your criteria.
If you need help identifying your perfect partner, there is a comprehensive yet simple system in my book, “Finding the One Who’s Right.”
6. You Have Bad Breath
Bad breath is often unknown to the person who has it. This is especially true for smokers, who are usually oblivious to how bad their breath smells.
The things that cause bad breath in your mouth are hard to detect. There is often no pain or soreness in the mouth. A person with severe bad breath, usually caused by periodontal (gum) disease, can have bleeding gums and loose teeth. Many other dental and periodontal problems can produce bad breath, too.
The good news is that the solution to eliminating bad breath is often simple. Go see a dentist, and tell him/her your concerns. You may only need a good cleaning and some oral hygiene instructions.
How do you determine if you have bad breath? The quickest way is to blow into your hand and smell it. If you’re unsure, ask a close friend if they have noticed a problem. Another way to tell is by closely observing or recalling people’s reactions while talking with them at close range. Did/do they cringe a bit and move away from you? If so, you may have bad breath.
For more information, read: “Bad Breath: How to Eliminate & Prevent It.”
7. Your Grooming Needs Attention
If your hair, beard, and nails are not clean and trimmed, you’re hurting your chances of finding quality dating partners. In addition to being trimmed, your hair should be styled.
Carefully consider whether your current hairstyle does the most to enhance your appearance. Have you styled your hair the same way since high school, or do you still adhere to rules you learned from your parents? If so, break free and find a style that suits you today.
Your hairstyle is one part of your look that can dramatically change your appearance. I often recommend that men and women seriously consider wearing their hair longer. Long hair is usually a sexy look. A short style can also be a cool look if you’re a guy with thinning hair.
The point with hair and grooming is to use it to change, update, and enhance your appearance.
8. Your Weight is Getting in The Way
You’re overweight, you know it, and you feel bad about it. This will hurt your confidence and ability to get dates with the ones you truly want.
If you are a person who is attracted to slim and trim men/women, then you need to lose that extra weight and get fit. Once you do, you’ll gain confidence and attract a person of the same fitness and self-esteem level.
I should point out that although being overweight is usually unhealthy, some men and women like big partners. Some are okay with their large size and prefer partners who are the same. This is fine. Friendship, love, and companionship are what matter most.
9. Your Wardrobe Needs Updating
You can’t attract a good match without the proper attire. You need to look good. Wearing outdated and worn-out clothes and shoes will not get you the dates you want.
Buy a few outfits that you like a lot and feel confident wearing. Make sure they are up to date. Search online or visit a few high-end clothing stores to learn about current fashion. Don’t get me wrong, though. You don’t need to spend a lot of money. You aim to learn what’s available, gain inspiration for creating your own look, and make smart purchases.
Tip for Women: Classy and subtly sexy attire is good. Over-the-top, super daring, nasty, and sexy will not attract quality men with admirable intentions. You’ll likely get attention, but if you could read the minds of those who look, you’d probably be disgusted. Female movie and rock stars can get away with it because they live in the unreal world of celebrity.
10. You’re Not Asking or Being Alluring
If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. Finding a willing partner to date is a numbers game. You must ask several people out before you find a match.
Most of the asking is done by men, which many men prefer, including me. Some men like to be asked out on a date, and some even prefer it. I believe, however, that most men want to do the asking.
To get dates, men must develop the courage to ask as opportunities present themselves. As mentioned earlier, the only way to develop courage is by doing what you fear. You’ll probably be awkward at first; I certainly was, but eventually, you’ll be smooth. And the number of women who say “Yes.” will increase. 😀
Women must encourage the opportunity to be asked by making themselves noticeable and “subtly” showing their interest. This is where women need to develop courage. Many women are highly skilled in this area. For those who are not, here’s what I’ve observed and been allured by.
Skilled women will position themselves in a particular environment and situation so the man they want to date will see them. They, of course, will look their best during these activities. They also show interest by approaching the man and engaging him in intelligent, carefully selected light conversation. Tip: I recommend very subtle flirting, if at all, otherwise you risk representing yourself in a way that gets attention but not respect.
11. You’re Giving Up Too Easily
You give up after two people turn down your request for a date (men) or your alluring tactics (women). There are far too many possibilities to give up so soon.
If you haven’t had any luck after 10 attempts, maybe you should take a break and evaluate your method and yourself. It could simply be that you’re still working through that awkward stage we all go through. If so, consider the first 10 as trials for learning and the next 10 as serious business. Tip: Do not conduct the trials on your most important targets. And be sure to do them in a kind way that leaves them uplifted.
12. You’re Not In The Game
If you’re staying at home most of the time and not getting out, your odds of getting dates are almost zero. You have to get involved in things you enjoy.
Nightclubs and singles dances are usually considered the best places to find dates. Although both venues will certainly have many unattached singles, I do not recommend them as the best place to find a good match.
The best place to find a good match is where the activities you are most passionate about are happening. Find a person who shares your greatest passion and you instantly have a solid foundation for a strong relationship. It is also probable that you’ll have other common interests and similarities.
Get involved in the activities that inspire you most, and then let nature take its course. If that includes going to nightclubs and singles dances, add them to the mix, but don’t make them your only source.
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It can be very frustrating when you’re going through a long period of not getting dates. I know, I’ve been there. I recommend taking a break if you’re going through one of these now. Use this time to reflect, do a self-appraisal, and have fun on your own.
Instead of driving yourself crazy trying to get dates, take yourself out. Go out to dinner. See a movie or a play. Go to a museum, trade show, or concert. Go on a weekend adventure. Take a vacation. You’ll know when it’s time to get back into the game.