Being cautious when dating someone recently divorced or broken up is smart. The more recently the separation happened, the more cautious you should be.
The time it takes to get over a divorce or breakup depends on several factors. These include a person’s personality, the relationship’s health at the end, and the amount of time the couple was together. If no love is left at the end of the relationship, the person can move on faster.
It takes me about three to six months to get over a breakup. For some people, it takes longer. It is extremely rare for someone to get over a breakup in just a few days or weeks.
If you’re dating someone who has not yet completely moved on or healed from a divorce or breakup, this could lead to several problems. The same is true if you rebounded into a new relationship before you were ready. In this case, you’ll probably create an unfair burden on the person you’re dating.
Here are some red flags to remember when dating someone recently divorced or broken up.
- They are clingy. They try to be with you for the same time as a married or committed couple. They also may always try to be physically close to you and overly affectionate.
- They are depressed. They display sadness, lethargy, and moodiness for long periods. You are not obligated to be their psychologist or lifelong friend.
- They are emotionally fragile. They cry easily. They overreact to the comments you make. For example, they might interpret a request as criticism and become angry or sad.
- They are rushing the relationship. They are pushing you to advance the relationship to higher levels of intimacy and commitment. If you feel pressured, it’s unhealthy.
- They are giving you husband or wife duties. They are trying to get you to assume the responsibilities of a marriage partner. You are not obligated to fill in the gap.
- They talk about their ex lovingly. If they often talk affectionately about their ex, they are probably still in love with them. Investing your time and heart could end in pain for you.
- They talk about their ex hatefully. A person who is badmouthing their ex could mean several things. They have not dealt with the painful parts. They have not taken responsibility for their role. They have a habit of criticizing others. If so, move on.
- They are still in contact with their ex. They are regularly calling or seeing their ex. They have not let go of each other. The losing party in this threesome could easily be you!
- They are having sex with their ex. They are regularly or periodically having sex with their ex. This is the biggest red flag of all. If so, stop dating them.
- They are looking for a parent. They are seeking to replace a parent for their children. There is nothing wrong with someone trying to provide for their children by creating a two-parent environment. If you are ready to take on the huge responsibility of caring for children, that is good for you. However, since you played no role in deciding to have those children, you are under no obligation to care for them or assume parental responsibilities. If you prefer a childless lifestyle or have any reservations about being a stepparent, it would be best for everyone involved that you move on immediately.
Dating someone recently divorced or broken up is a tricky situation full of landmines and potential problems. You are not bringing all the baggage of a breakup into the relationship. They are.
A person recently divorced or broken up should spend as much time as they need to fully heal before they start dating. Rushing out and beginning to date before the healing is complete is unfair to those they meet and get involved with.
If two recently divorced or broken-up people begin dating, the odds of creating a healthy relationship free of baggage from the prior ones is very low. Seek out and restrict your relationships and dating to friendships during this period. If your friendship develops into a romantic relationship, it may have the foundation for a healthy love.
The best conditions for a strong relationship are two people who are emotionally stable and free of any unhealthy residue from a previous relationship. To do otherwise would be to settle for less.