Here’s an alternative to the open relationship model that you might find more appealing. It’s called a free relationship, which differs from an open relationship in several ways.
In an open relationship, there is an agreement that allows both partners to have multiple emotional and sexual relationships outside or inside their relationship. In a free relationship, there is an agreement that allows both partners to have complete freedom in how they spend their free time, including holidays and vacations. Additional emotional or sexual relationships are not a part of the agreement in a free relationship.
A free relationship rewrites the rules of social conventions just like an open relationship does. But because the open sexual component is not included, there may be more acceptance and broader practice. It is certainly safer in a few crucial areas.
The likelihood of contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) is almost zero. The possibility of this arrangement leading to divorce goes down significantly. It’s the STDs (aka STIs, sexually transmitted infections) that would be the most worrisome to me in an open relationship. And the idea of another man having sex with the woman I love is unacceptable.
A free relationship would increase contentment, personal fulfillment, and romance and reduce tension, resentment, and divorce.
I would expect the free relationship model to be most straightforward in a childless, committed relationship or marriage. The extent to which parents implement it would have to be modified based on the children’s ages.
I would imagine that as children grew older, each parent would periodically include one or more of their children in their independent activities. There’s no reason this should reduce the freedom agreement; instead, it should enhance it.
This is not to say there wouldn’t be couples’ and family activities, because there would be. The difference is that no activity is predetermined exclusively as a couple’s or family event. The parents’ freedom to choose would prevail. Children could earn freedom “credits” for good behavior and achievements. Children could be given the option to return some of their freedom credits to avoid punishment for certain violations.
Here’s what a free relationship model looks like.
Obligations
Either partner is not obligated to attend any meetings, social activities, sporting events, celebrations, or holiday gatherings of any kind.
This one may be challenging for some women, but the benefits may be worth it. There are some social activities that men detest. That’s a fact. They may also strongly dislike a particular relative or friend of their partner. And the same may be true of the woman. Men are not obligated to socialize with people they don’t like, but women often do. Here’s where the conflict occurs.
Men are pressured to attend all social events and annual celebrations. When forced to go, men become resentful, frustrated, and tense. They will try to hide this from their partner and themselves, but they do have these thoughts and feelings nevertheless. (Female Readers: Don’t ask your partner about this; he’ll probably tell you what you want to hear.) When men can choose which activities they wish to attend without pressure, they’ll be cheerful when they are there.
Weekends
Each partner is allowed complete freedom to organize their weekend activities. If they want their partner to join them or go on a date, they must invite them. If invited, the partner may accept or decline without any explanation required or hurt feelings.
Weekends are holy ground. It’s the only time that many of us can call our own. We have no true freedom during the workweek, unless you’re an internet entrepreneur. 🙂 Your job and boss dictate your schedule and activities. So when the weekend comes, our thirst for freedom is intense. The free relationship model allows this thirst to be quenched entirely!
If one partner or the other predetermines the entire weekend, this thirst never gets satisfied. You return to work on Monday feeling tired and unfulfilled. If this is done for months or years, a person can begin to feel rundown and resentful. Then, they may begin fantasizing about escaping to a tropical island.
Permitted the freedom to “choose” can change everything. It has to be true guiltless freedom, though. No comments like “Do what you want. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay at home alone!” are allowed.
Recreation
Each partner is permitted complete freedom to choose their recreational activities. They do this without being concerned whether their partner can or will participate. Again, there are no feelings of obligation.
This is not to say that you might discover a mutual passion for a particular activity. But there is no pressure to compromise or participate in an activity you don’t enjoy, so you can do it together. This sort of thing breeds mediocrity and boredom.
Growing
Both partners are allowed to work on their personal development independently and in the way they choose. Although they may talk about their self-improvement goals, they are not required to share any aspect of their plan.
The freedom to grow independently is a key advantage of the free relationship model. If each partner is able to pursue their personal development independently, it can not only produce greater growth but also greater excitement in the relationship. Here’s an example.
One partner begins an exercise program. After a few months, their weight loss and body toning are very apparent. They look good, sexy, and confident!
Their partner wants to look good too, so they begin an exercise program. There is no resentment or reluctance since they never felt any pressure to join their partner initially.
They both grow, feel attractive, and are excited by their partner’s new confidence and physique.
Vacations
Vacations and weekend getaways may be taken alone, with a (same-sex) friend, or as a couple.
Going on a vacation alone can benefit the individual and the relationship. A soulful vacation, as I like to call it, produces an entirely different experience if you go alone. By the way, soulful vacations can also be taken together.
The specifics of the free relationship agreement must be emphasized for this particular activity since you’ll be away overnight. Those criteria state that there will be no emotional or sexual relationships, including one-night stands.
Teamwork
Both partners agree to collaborate on certain essential aspects of their lives. There is no obligation to participate in all projects perceived by one partner as requiring teamwork. Both partners must agree on the amount, if any, that they will participate in a particular project. These projects might include meal planning, financial strategizing, home decorating, or yard landscaping.
Since a couple knows each other so well and hopefully has a lot in common, teamwork should be one of the strongest aspects of their relationship. Creating a free relationship agreement is one project in which both partners should fully participate. Otherwise, the nonparticipating partner would be disadvantaged since no negotiation would occur.
Agreement
I suggest you write the specifics of your free relationship agreement. Then keep exchanging and revising it until you are both comfortable with it. Be sure to include an area at the bottom for signatures and dates.
Putting the agreement together should be an exciting adventure. It’s an intelligent way to design your future together in a way that you’re both pleased with.
Why is a formal agreement necessary? An agreement is created for clarification, collaboration on the terms, and unquestionable recall down the road. We all know that things can change in a relationship in short order. One day you’re lovers and best friends, and the next you’re struggling to keep from hating each other. This can happen to any couple.
Since we are so advanced as a society, we can apply our knowledge and intelligence to designing a better relationship paradigm. Otherwise, we’ll have the same old dull and worn-out traditions with an unsuccessful record.
Try something new and innovative. Try the free relationship model for 30-90 days. It will spice up your relationship. If you don’t like it, you can always return to the old way.